Monday, April 14, 2008

I was very sad after the conversation with u. What happen to u??? I really hope i can live in the sky and observe your every moment on earth. I want to know how u live each day now, keeping track of you. I want to know the every step that u took to become the you of today.

The conversation was like a sky full of arrows. Killing me. I didnt retort back to yr arrows. I could, but i dont wanna blow up yr temper. Bleeding in silence, only the sound of blooding dripping. Like, waste space, why ask so much, so kapo for what. Worse of all is when u say u could understand what i'm talking abt. I dont agree with u, i bet ppl will agree that they could understand if i tell them. I really wanted to talk a bazooka and blast off your fucking mouth. But i endured the anger and sadness. Whatever, I REALLY HOPED THAT ITS ME WHO WAS OVER-REACTIVE! I REALLY HOPED ITS THAT WAY!

Maybe i have live long enough to realise that its time to give up on you. But i really dont want to. Its harder for me to give u up than joanne. U know why?

We have know each other since p3. At least 7 years but for joanne, not more than 3 months. Our friendship blossomed, it blooms when we were in secondary sch. We were more than friends, we are Brothers. Is it so easy for me to give up a Brother who witness my growth, vise versa. You knew me well, i guess better than others, u know deep about me.

Though i was not with u most of the time now, i always hope u will become better, and achieve yr target. I hope u still rmb what's yr goal. But just now our conversation, contrast with what i hope. Indeed, more hope, more disappointment. This time, i felt it, i felt the difference in u.

I felt i'm losing u, Brother. Losing joanne was bad enough, but i guess, one more have to go. Whatever, Fate always do this to me! 2nd time already! I hate God! He's cruel, and merciless! He wanted more. Why does he always choose to take my buddy, my bestie from me, not from other ppl?!

Luckily, i have already begun to adjust to the live of a loner. I like it. Maybe this is God's payback to me for what he took from me. Whatever, i'm sick of all this- taking buddies from me. I will just be a good student. Maybe God's way of making up to me is to introduce new people in a new environment- SP. I hope i can meet and know my further buddies. Looking towards, no matter what.

Brother, i will still treat you like a brother. I hope today isnt the real you now. I hope u are in a bad mood today. I hope the excuses i find for u are the real reasons. I hope i can see the you of last time.

ALL THAT I WROTE ABOVE WILL TURN TO NAUGHT IF IT WAS ME WHO OVER-REACTED, NOT THAT U HAD CHANGED. I hope i was too over-reacting to yr words in the conversation, thus is not that u change, is i over- reacted. I hope i can see the you of last time. Please dont forget and strive towards yr goal.

140408mon

9:01 PM